Segment 4:
Matt Hardy is selling like Jonah Hill in “Superbad.” OW, MY BACK!
“Group TNA Originals” = I GOT NOWHERE ELSE TO GO!
“You have to win by pinfall or submission…unless there’s a countout.” Amateurish announcing. Just terrible.
Blue Man Group comes to ringside. Cirque de so-lame so far.
Matt Hardy beats Eric Young. That should be a squash match on Smackdown.
Dial flip: Back to “Scared Topless.” I’ve never understood the concept of scissoring.
Segment 5:
It’s the “King of the Mountain” champ! What mountain? Smoky Mountain? ***k, don’t tell me Cornette is back! I thought Jarrett took that title with him.
Bruiser Brody Lite talks. And talks. And talks. ZZZZZzzzzz…
Josh Matthews makes predictions for 2015. Problem is, it’s 2016. Nice save, Pope.
Interruption #7 – Eric Young
Interruption #8 – James Storm. I bet NXT gave his locker to The Bullet Club.
“It’s time to have a little fun!” Uh, not so far.
Segment 6:
The Dollhouse minus Taryn Terrell = jabroni chicks. After the doll leaves, sell the house.
The Beautiful People = bad MILF porn. At least they didn’t make the pregnant lady take a bump.
WWE’s “Divas Revolution” makes TNA’s Knockouts seem old, slow, tired and obsolete. At least Brooke Adams was super-hot.
Wow, Whoopi Goldberg looks pissed!
Dial flip: “On the Fly” on the NHL Network. What a goal by Crosby!
Segment 7:
“The Miracle” = a #SaveUsY2J gimmick with five percent of the ability and charisma plus a much cheaper, cheesier outfit.
If you tell us wrestling sucks, you need to deliver a better promo than that.
When a promotion debuts on a new network, it needs a bigger reveal than that.
Why is Reby Hardy nursing one of The Young Bucks? WEIRD.
Segment 8:
WORLD TITLE SERIES FINAL! We’re back to the exact same match that preceded the tournament. ZZZZZzzzzz…
Interruption #9 – “Schitt’s Creek.” That’s really the title? Seriously? A good cast, albeit mostly past its prime. Think TNA during the Hogan/Bischoff era.
Two-counts before the last two minutes of TV time = SPOILER ALERT.
EC3 WINS THE TNA WORLD HEAVYWEIGHT CHAMPIONSHIP! Mostly because somebody had to. Good move. Matt Hardy doesn’t need that title to be a star. EC3 needs all the help he can get. YOU LIKE THAT?
Original music by Billy Corgan. As original as he gets these days, anyway.
You’d never know it after reading this, but I didn’t hate the show.
Hey, is Nakamura going to throw salt, or blow green mist? Anybody know?
Follow Mark on Twitter: @MarkMaddenX
